Wednesday, 5 February 2014

F**K IT and ditch the self help books ;-)!

Hmmmm, so what is wrong with me today, what can I read how to fix…how can I spend time AVOIDING and NOT LIVING life by READING how to be perfect and live my life navel gazing ad nauseum….blahhhh!

Auntie Rhonda is going to give you a little self help advice from experience…..

Time to ditch the self help books! Ditch the f**kin’ things right now people!!! PLEASE if you read these things, just DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!!!! Bin them and go out and find some frivolous ways to have fun and enjoy life!!!!!

Self improvement? It can be addictive…libraries and shops are full of row upon row of pop psychology books telling us how to become better people, with awesome lives who will live happily ever after if only we follow their rules ….When do you stop? It’s like a dieter who goes too far…starts off thinking of dropping just a few pounds, then wants to lose a stone and then, before you know it bones are sticking out all over the shop and the person who was once attractive is no more than a walking skeleton: totally spoiled and broken, but still wanting to ‘improve’…just that one final pound…

Each therapist/ pop psychologist has their own theory of what is wrong with us and everyone else around us! And they are making a killing. One book is never enough either as they keep revising their theories to add more stuff you need to know to be a better person…

”Four of the 14 books I’ve written are devoted to co-dependency." writes Melody Beattie . "I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but those four aren’t enough. I’m writing this book to clarify confusion, discuss new information, write about how co-dependency has mutated, address new support options, and remind us about what we learned.” 
I bet they aren’t enough Melody - bet you have a nice big house and high maintenance lifestyle now that needs funded...sure you can spew out a few more books to tell us how deficient we are and how much we need to learn from your troubled childhood to fix our own broken  pathetic lives to add to your bank balance.


Last year,  I realised there were aspects of my life I really needed to change – certain behaviours that had been immature and unproductive, I knew my failings so, determined not to keep making the same mistakes in future, I went on a splurge of self improvement…yes I had a few issues, but this was a let's fix Rhonda rampant binge!!!!

Physically I was overwieght – that bothered me A LOT, more so than it should have though – so, solution, eat less and exercise…simples…slow but simple formula, not always easy to stick to, but one that works for me….and I still make sure to have at least one chocolate bar a day!

Alcohol was a bit of a problem for me too –  I didn’t always remember what I said or did while drunk…those blanks are scarey…so last summer I decided just not to drink…bit extreme, cos, heck I enjoy drinking!...on some of the few occasions I have lapsed and had a drink I have just binged and binged and the blanks the next day are even bigger….usually I have done something idiotically stupid – me and alcohol, bit of a love hate thing....but honestly, the thought of a completely forever alcohol free life doesn’t do it for me long term SO – hey, have stopped beating myself up for the lapses and am trying the moderation route.. I have been sober for too long and that leads to the binges. Just look at how many folk binge themselves silly after giving up alcohol for January ;-)!!!!!!!!

But what of my emotional issues and baggage?....Years ago I did the incessant self help book reading and I can still hear my kids telling me it wasn’t healthy…what did they know, I scoffed? Well they bleddy well knew it wasn’t healthy - much wiser than their old Mum! Did reading those books magically change my life then? No, so why would they change it now?

The times I was happiest were when I was just going out and living life WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT PROBLEMS….if you OVERTHINK and overthink you can never be happy, you just get miserable and depressed….so while I consumed self help books (even ironically one called Women who Think too Much lol!!!) it just made me look more and more inward and feel I was even more broken and look for more ways how I could fix myself…if I did that, life would be wonderful….self improvement towards perfection was the Nirvana, the Holy Grail the unrealistic goal….NO NO NO!!!!! While  I was wallowing round working out how to wonderfully fix myself so all my future relationships would be perfect for ever more, I wasn’t living! I wasn’t enjoying life, just focusing more and more on imagining what was wrong with me and frantically trying to fix it – DOH!!!!!!

Well F*CK THAT!!!!! There is nothing wrong with a little self improvement, but 
these books just suck you in and prey on insecurities under the guise of resolving them while making the author’s wallet nice and bulging full!

A little counselling, now, that was useful. I lost shedloads of weight, I felt more secure in myself, gained confidence again – that was useful. Stopping drinking? Well that was boring. I’d rather live life and make mistakes from time to time….I didn’t start to get my mojo back until I stopped already with the self help books and just thought of ways to have fun rather than striving to be the perfect person. I tried to make sure I had lots to look forward to and do to keep myself occupied….when I stopped with the self help claptrap towards the end of last year I realised how serious I had become – how boring – how utterly and completely self absorbed!!!! The worst way to be!

SO please please please – if you do one thing today to improve your life, ditch the self help mumbo jumbo, accept life and yourself as you are,  and if you want to read, read a funny book that makes you laugh, go out and meet up with some friends, watch a funny film, learn a new language, volunteer to help other folk…anything, but sit and ruminate on your faults….go out and start living your life and have as much bleddy fun as possible!!!!! When I moved recently, I took great pleasure in removing all these books (that were commercially designed to make me feel inadequate and set to fail) from my house. You should too. Now, go, party on!!!!!!!


  1. I love this post! F*ck it indeed! x x x

  2. Yeah F**K it! I have to say a very big thank you to you Leah for starting the positivity workshops. Reading all the other folks stories on there has really helped me to get that mental attitude back - I had lost it, and by Jeebus now it is found lol!!!xxx