Wednesday, 5 February 2014

F**K IT and ditch the self help books ;-)!

Hmmmm, so what is wrong with me today, what can I read how to fix…how can I spend time AVOIDING and NOT LIVING life by READING how to be perfect and live my life navel gazing ad nauseum….blahhhh!

Auntie Rhonda is going to give you a little self help advice from experience…..

Time to ditch the self help books! Ditch the f**kin’ things right now people!!! PLEASE if you read these things, just DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!!!! Bin them and go out and find some frivolous ways to have fun and enjoy life!!!!!

Self improvement? It can be addictive…libraries and shops are full of row upon row of pop psychology books telling us how to become better people, with awesome lives who will live happily ever after if only we follow their rules ….When do you stop? It’s like a dieter who goes too far…starts off thinking of dropping just a few pounds, then wants to lose a stone and then, before you know it bones are sticking out all over the shop and the person who was once attractive is no more than a walking skeleton: totally spoiled and broken, but still wanting to ‘improve’…just that one final pound…

Each therapist/ pop psychologist has their own theory of what is wrong with us and everyone else around us! And they are making a killing. One book is never enough either as they keep revising their theories to add more stuff you need to know to be a better person…

”Four of the 14 books I’ve written are devoted to co-dependency." writes Melody Beattie . "I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but those four aren’t enough. I’m writing this book to clarify confusion, discuss new information, write about how co-dependency has mutated, address new support options, and remind us about what we learned.” 
I bet they aren’t enough Melody - bet you have a nice big house and high maintenance lifestyle now that needs funded...sure you can spew out a few more books to tell us how deficient we are and how much we need to learn from your troubled childhood to fix our own broken  pathetic lives to add to your bank balance.


Last year,  I realised there were aspects of my life I really needed to change – certain behaviours that had been immature and unproductive, I knew my failings so, determined not to keep making the same mistakes in future, I went on a splurge of self improvement…yes I had a few issues, but this was a let's fix Rhonda rampant binge!!!!

Physically I was overwieght – that bothered me A LOT, more so than it should have though – so, solution, eat less and exercise…simples…slow but simple formula, not always easy to stick to, but one that works for me….and I still make sure to have at least one chocolate bar a day!

Alcohol was a bit of a problem for me too –  I didn’t always remember what I said or did while drunk…those blanks are scarey…so last summer I decided just not to drink…bit extreme, cos, heck I enjoy drinking!...on some of the few occasions I have lapsed and had a drink I have just binged and binged and the blanks the next day are even bigger….usually I have done something idiotically stupid – me and alcohol, bit of a love hate thing....but honestly, the thought of a completely forever alcohol free life doesn’t do it for me long term SO – hey, have stopped beating myself up for the lapses and am trying the moderation route.. I have been sober for too long and that leads to the binges. Just look at how many folk binge themselves silly after giving up alcohol for January ;-)!!!!!!!!

But what of my emotional issues and baggage?....Years ago I did the incessant self help book reading and I can still hear my kids telling me it wasn’t healthy…what did they know, I scoffed? Well they bleddy well knew it wasn’t healthy - much wiser than their old Mum! Did reading those books magically change my life then? No, so why would they change it now?

The times I was happiest were when I was just going out and living life WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT PROBLEMS….if you OVERTHINK and overthink you can never be happy, you just get miserable and depressed….so while I consumed self help books (even ironically one called Women who Think too Much lol!!!) it just made me look more and more inward and feel I was even more broken and look for more ways how I could fix myself…if I did that, life would be wonderful….self improvement towards perfection was the Nirvana, the Holy Grail the unrealistic goal….NO NO NO!!!!! While  I was wallowing round working out how to wonderfully fix myself so all my future relationships would be perfect for ever more, I wasn’t living! I wasn’t enjoying life, just focusing more and more on imagining what was wrong with me and frantically trying to fix it – DOH!!!!!!

Well F*CK THAT!!!!! There is nothing wrong with a little self improvement, but 
these books just suck you in and prey on insecurities under the guise of resolving them while making the author’s wallet nice and bulging full!

A little counselling, now, that was useful. I lost shedloads of weight, I felt more secure in myself, gained confidence again – that was useful. Stopping drinking? Well that was boring. I’d rather live life and make mistakes from time to time….I didn’t start to get my mojo back until I stopped already with the self help books and just thought of ways to have fun rather than striving to be the perfect person. I tried to make sure I had lots to look forward to and do to keep myself occupied….when I stopped with the self help claptrap towards the end of last year I realised how serious I had become – how boring – how utterly and completely self absorbed!!!! The worst way to be!

SO please please please – if you do one thing today to improve your life, ditch the self help mumbo jumbo, accept life and yourself as you are,  and if you want to read, read a funny book that makes you laugh, go out and meet up with some friends, watch a funny film, learn a new language, volunteer to help other folk…anything, but sit and ruminate on your faults….go out and start living your life and have as much bleddy fun as possible!!!!! When I moved recently, I took great pleasure in removing all these books (that were commercially designed to make me feel inadequate and set to fail) from my house. You should too. Now, go, party on!!!!!!!

Monday, 3 February 2014

Love EVERY Body #3: Shoulders, arms and hands

This post is an assignment for part of the Love EVERY Body positivity workshop group I have joined.
I thought No. 3 would be boobies, so was surprised to see shoulders, arms and hands! I was bracing myself for revealing selfies of my little fried egg boobies lol!  I'd never really thought much about these bits to be honest - except when I couldn't use them - and then when they were OK again it's just like, OK, they are there, not gonna give them a second thought.

I think a lot of folk worry about bingo wings, but that has never bothered me even when I have been at my biggest, I just never really worried about that. Poor neglected arms lol!

I like to give hugs with my arms, and my son liked them big - he didn't want them to get skinny as he liked BIG squishy hugs - but he is grown up now and I have noone to hug at the minute. Maybe someday again - I miss hugs!

My hands are stupidly hoooooge though! Really they have probably been bigger than the hands of every bloke I have ever gone out with. I have long, pianists fingers, which meant I could cover quite a range when I used to play piano. That is until I broke my wrist. I am left handed and clumsy and needless to say I have broken myself often!!!! I prbably should have painted my nails for the picture, or at least cleaned them up, but well, on a day to day basis this is what they are like so the pic is more honest!

\m/ I use my hands at every opportunity to give the horns lol!!! RAWK!!!!!! \m/ - see what I mean about the big fingers!!!!!!

This break was in the middle of a dance floor, with only one other person dancing....not very dignified but then I never really am! After it healed up I couldn't cover quite as many notes any more, but that  is not a biggie as I didn't play much anyway. It did cramp my party piece though, as I used to be able to touch the back of my arm with my thumb, still can with my right hand, but no longer the left. I have memories of spending the Summer in Uni halls instead of going home with my broken wrist (my Mum sold my car 'cos of that but that is a different story!), and having to wander round the campus trying to find someone who could help me open my jars of spaghettii sauce etc. I hated it. I felt so pathetic!
I am really independent and it is scarey how such a small thing can limit what you can actually do! I've never had great strength in that arm since that break, and I can tell the weather with my mystic wrist - it still gets achey when it is getting colder, but then so do all the other bits I have broken lol!

My shoulders, hmmm....I actually like them. I have big bones, so not very feminine and delicate - but I like being this way. My skin is a bit spotty at the minute, which I don't like so much, but it tends to get like this in the winter. I can live with the fact I know it will clear come the springtime.

I have a tattoo on my shoulder - I don't like it. It was rash, badly done and a mistake but I've kinda grown used to it. I still hide it from my folks but in general I'm resigned to it. When I get more pennies gathered together I'm going to either get it touched up, or hide it in something bigger. For now I'm stuck with it!

I broke myself last summer (see a theme emerging here!) and cracked my breastbone as well as breaking a rib, and my nose....don't ask, just don't ask!!!! It took months to heal up and my arms couldn't even lift a kettle for a while, it hurt so badly. I was trying to get fitter before I had my accident, and after my rib healed I still couldn't go to the gym and do stuff like rowing because of the breastbone thing. I wanted to get back into archery but I didn't have the strength to pull the bow and it bleddy hurt anyways! This really restricted what I could do. I like to get out and do stuff - I get miserable if I am sat doing nothing for long periods of time and for months I just hurt too damn much to do anything involving lifting with my really, really got me down. Even breathing hurt like Billy-o every day for at least six weeks. So yeah kiddies, take care and look after yourself, these bits may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things but man do they cause havoc with all those daily take for granted things when they don't work!!!!