Sunday, 4 May 2014

Love Every Body #6 -BUMS!

Now this one is really easy for me - I have never had an issue with my bum whether size 8 or 18 because 99% of the time I can't see it - I can ignore it completely lol - I've now got that Sisters of Mercy song in my head! Recently a friend said to me in shock "Rhonda your ass has disappeared!!" Really? It has always been invisible to me lol!!!....but it has always made a comfy cushion to sit on....nothing bad to say about my bum - post where I haven't moaned at all, this is a first!!!!!

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Love EVERY Body #5: Stomach/waist

Assignment #5 - Stomach/waist. How do you feel about your stomach/tummy? Maybe it bears the marks of carrying a child. Maybe it looks different than it did years ago. Maybe an operation scar has changed the way you feel about it?

 Oh dear, the idea of this assignment filled me with dread at the start of this journey...but thanks to all you wonderful ladies' past posts and positivity, I think I can post a bit more positively this month than I ever thought I could! I know I am the position of having slimmed down to a size 10/12 these days, and some folk may say, what has she got to be worried about? When I was larger it really ticked me off when anyone my size moaned at all about anything to do with their body!!!! BUT I have yo-yoed all my llfe from size 8 up to a 18/20 and my 'jelly belly' has always been an issue even when at my smallest. 

I look fine now with clothes on, but remove the clothes and oh dear...I've had my appendix out, I've had an ovary removed with a dermoid cyst...I've got  terrible stretchmarks (an 8lbs 6oz and a 10lbs baby ffs!!!) so my belly is quite scarred and always that little bit saggy and wobbly....I suffer from IBS so even at a size 10 I have days where I constantly feel and am aware of my belly as it feels bloated and uncomfortable and shouts for attention....I've dropped weight quickly at times and when I do the skin there just wrinkles up and hangs, it doesn't spring back nice and tight, oh no, in fact it looks a lot better down there when I am larger to be honest. My belly will never be lovely and scarless and flat....ever again! 

I've had friends and boyfriends make jokey and not so jokey comments about my jelly belly, which got to me in the past, but well, it is part of me now and I have to accept it....I've been terribly insecure in the past about my body and that insecurity has caused problems in past relationships (particularly my last one, which I really regret) but I've come to realise that my belly is part of me and we are stuck with each other - there are a lot worse things in life I could worry about than a bit of a wobbly tum and some scars and anyone I go out with in future had better love it too :)

An overabundance of tiger stripes and possibly the most stooopid looking belly button on the planet!!!...I can make it do a smiley face though hahaha :)

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Love EVERY Body #4 - Chest/boobs
[March 2014 Assignment #4 - Chest/boobs. Are you happy with your chest/boobs? Maybe you've had surgery (mastectomy/boob job.) Maybe you feel your boobs are too big or too small, or less than perky from breast feeding, but they're perfect as they are.] Posting a little early as away on Sunday :)

My mother has ample bosoms, not huge, but certainly not small. As a litle girl I can remember being smothered in my granny's bosom when she gave me what happened with me???
My friend sat a few pews away from us in church. She was one of the first girls in my class to sprout boobs and we were all in awe of her. She filled a proper bra long before I even started to have the slightest bumps appear! Suddenly the boys in class were flocking around her! One Sunday in church I saw my mother looking over at my friend a lot...then she leant over to me and said in a loud whisper "I am praying to God that you do not grow breasts like Sharon's"!!!! So there you have it folks my little fried egg breasticles are the miraculous result of the power of my mother's prayers to save me from the wicked intentions of men lol!
February 2014: (padded bra!) This is me being very brave as I very rarely go 'topless' these days!!!

I used to hate my boobs and I never used to feel very feminine with such small breasts.In my time I have invested in umpteen push-up and padded bras. I loved it when I was pregnant and my boobs swelled up, but being pregnant doesn't really last that long and keeping producing babies just to have bigger boobies isn't really a solution lol! When I put on weight they gain a little bit in size but not much and when I lose weight they seem to shrink disproportionately and are the first thing to go! Most of my boyfriends have been OK with them, except one or two who have made jokes, which while I smiled and laughed along, cut me up inside at the time. Now I have got a lot of my confidence back, I woudn't go along with that kind of joke just to please someone - go me lol!
Years and years ago at Marilyn Manson concert - me with a heavily padded bra (not that it did much good!) - I tried to pad a lot in those days as I was seeing one of the guys who made a big joke of my small breasticles, but I still never had a very noticeable cleavage! (with the lovely Lisa).

These days though, I don't really mind them at all. As I have got older they are one part of me that hasn't started to sag YET, well, how could they sag when there is so little there hehe! They have never given me a sore back. They have never got in the way when I've tried to do stuff. They have never drawn the attention of guys who initially drool over a woman because of their boobies. I've never really had a conversation with a guy who was obviously distracted by my breasts as they are very much a distraction free zone lol! SO, overall feel quite positive about my boobies. If someone likes them, well that is grand, but if they don't, hmmm, shrugs, I just don't care anymore, I'm OK with them :-)!
A few years back when I was a bit thinner - with no bra padding, they were itsy bitsy lol!!!

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

F**K IT and ditch the self help books ;-)!

Hmmmm, so what is wrong with me today, what can I read how to fix…how can I spend time AVOIDING and NOT LIVING life by READING how to be perfect and live my life navel gazing ad nauseum….blahhhh!

Auntie Rhonda is going to give you a little self help advice from experience…..

Time to ditch the self help books! Ditch the f**kin’ things right now people!!! PLEASE if you read these things, just DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!!!!!! Bin them and go out and find some frivolous ways to have fun and enjoy life!!!!!

Self improvement? It can be addictive…libraries and shops are full of row upon row of pop psychology books telling us how to become better people, with awesome lives who will live happily ever after if only we follow their rules ….When do you stop? It’s like a dieter who goes too far…starts off thinking of dropping just a few pounds, then wants to lose a stone and then, before you know it bones are sticking out all over the shop and the person who was once attractive is no more than a walking skeleton: totally spoiled and broken, but still wanting to ‘improve’…just that one final pound…

Each therapist/ pop psychologist has their own theory of what is wrong with us and everyone else around us! And they are making a killing. One book is never enough either as they keep revising their theories to add more stuff you need to know to be a better person…

”Four of the 14 books I’ve written are devoted to co-dependency." writes Melody Beattie . "I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but those four aren’t enough. I’m writing this book to clarify confusion, discuss new information, write about how co-dependency has mutated, address new support options, and remind us about what we learned.” 
I bet they aren’t enough Melody - bet you have a nice big house and high maintenance lifestyle now that needs funded...sure you can spew out a few more books to tell us how deficient we are and how much we need to learn from your troubled childhood to fix our own broken  pathetic lives to add to your bank balance.


Last year,  I realised there were aspects of my life I really needed to change – certain behaviours that had been immature and unproductive, I knew my failings so, determined not to keep making the same mistakes in future, I went on a splurge of self improvement…yes I had a few issues, but this was a let's fix Rhonda rampant binge!!!!

Physically I was overwieght – that bothered me A LOT, more so than it should have though – so, solution, eat less and exercise…simples…slow but simple formula, not always easy to stick to, but one that works for me….and I still make sure to have at least one chocolate bar a day!

Alcohol was a bit of a problem for me too –  I didn’t always remember what I said or did while drunk…those blanks are scarey…so last summer I decided just not to drink…bit extreme, cos, heck I enjoy drinking!...on some of the few occasions I have lapsed and had a drink I have just binged and binged and the blanks the next day are even bigger….usually I have done something idiotically stupid – me and alcohol, bit of a love hate thing....but honestly, the thought of a completely forever alcohol free life doesn’t do it for me long term SO – hey, have stopped beating myself up for the lapses and am trying the moderation route.. I have been sober for too long and that leads to the binges. Just look at how many folk binge themselves silly after giving up alcohol for January ;-)!!!!!!!!

But what of my emotional issues and baggage?....Years ago I did the incessant self help book reading and I can still hear my kids telling me it wasn’t healthy…what did they know, I scoffed? Well they bleddy well knew it wasn’t healthy - much wiser than their old Mum! Did reading those books magically change my life then? No, so why would they change it now?

The times I was happiest were when I was just going out and living life WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT PROBLEMS….if you OVERTHINK and overthink you can never be happy, you just get miserable and depressed….so while I consumed self help books (even ironically one called Women who Think too Much lol!!!) it just made me look more and more inward and feel I was even more broken and look for more ways how I could fix myself…if I did that, life would be wonderful….self improvement towards perfection was the Nirvana, the Holy Grail the unrealistic goal….NO NO NO!!!!! While  I was wallowing round working out how to wonderfully fix myself so all my future relationships would be perfect for ever more, I wasn’t living! I wasn’t enjoying life, just focusing more and more on imagining what was wrong with me and frantically trying to fix it – DOH!!!!!!

Well F*CK THAT!!!!! There is nothing wrong with a little self improvement, but 
these books just suck you in and prey on insecurities under the guise of resolving them while making the author’s wallet nice and bulging full!

A little counselling, now, that was useful. I lost shedloads of weight, I felt more secure in myself, gained confidence again – that was useful. Stopping drinking? Well that was boring. I’d rather live life and make mistakes from time to time….I didn’t start to get my mojo back until I stopped already with the self help books and just thought of ways to have fun rather than striving to be the perfect person. I tried to make sure I had lots to look forward to and do to keep myself occupied….when I stopped with the self help claptrap towards the end of last year I realised how serious I had become – how boring – how utterly and completely self absorbed!!!! The worst way to be!

SO please please please – if you do one thing today to improve your life, ditch the self help mumbo jumbo, accept life and yourself as you are,  and if you want to read, read a funny book that makes you laugh, go out and meet up with some friends, watch a funny film, learn a new language, volunteer to help other folk…anything, but sit and ruminate on your faults….go out and start living your life and have as much bleddy fun as possible!!!!! When I moved recently, I took great pleasure in removing all these books (that were commercially designed to make me feel inadequate and set to fail) from my house. You should too. Now, go, party on!!!!!!!

Monday, 3 February 2014

Love EVERY Body #3: Shoulders, arms and hands

This post is an assignment for part of the Love EVERY Body positivity workshop group I have joined.
I thought No. 3 would be boobies, so was surprised to see shoulders, arms and hands! I was bracing myself for revealing selfies of my little fried egg boobies lol!  I'd never really thought much about these bits to be honest - except when I couldn't use them - and then when they were OK again it's just like, OK, they are there, not gonna give them a second thought.

I think a lot of folk worry about bingo wings, but that has never bothered me even when I have been at my biggest, I just never really worried about that. Poor neglected arms lol!

I like to give hugs with my arms, and my son liked them big - he didn't want them to get skinny as he liked BIG squishy hugs - but he is grown up now and I have noone to hug at the minute. Maybe someday again - I miss hugs!

My hands are stupidly hoooooge though! Really they have probably been bigger than the hands of every bloke I have ever gone out with. I have long, pianists fingers, which meant I could cover quite a range when I used to play piano. That is until I broke my wrist. I am left handed and clumsy and needless to say I have broken myself often!!!! I prbably should have painted my nails for the picture, or at least cleaned them up, but well, on a day to day basis this is what they are like so the pic is more honest!

\m/ I use my hands at every opportunity to give the horns lol!!! RAWK!!!!!! \m/ - see what I mean about the big fingers!!!!!!

This break was in the middle of a dance floor, with only one other person dancing....not very dignified but then I never really am! After it healed up I couldn't cover quite as many notes any more, but that  is not a biggie as I didn't play much anyway. It did cramp my party piece though, as I used to be able to touch the back of my arm with my thumb, still can with my right hand, but no longer the left. I have memories of spending the Summer in Uni halls instead of going home with my broken wrist (my Mum sold my car 'cos of that but that is a different story!), and having to wander round the campus trying to find someone who could help me open my jars of spaghettii sauce etc. I hated it. I felt so pathetic!
I am really independent and it is scarey how such a small thing can limit what you can actually do! I've never had great strength in that arm since that break, and I can tell the weather with my mystic wrist - it still gets achey when it is getting colder, but then so do all the other bits I have broken lol!

My shoulders, hmmm....I actually like them. I have big bones, so not very feminine and delicate - but I like being this way. My skin is a bit spotty at the minute, which I don't like so much, but it tends to get like this in the winter. I can live with the fact I know it will clear come the springtime.

I have a tattoo on my shoulder - I don't like it. It was rash, badly done and a mistake but I've kinda grown used to it. I still hide it from my folks but in general I'm resigned to it. When I get more pennies gathered together I'm going to either get it touched up, or hide it in something bigger. For now I'm stuck with it!

I broke myself last summer (see a theme emerging here!) and cracked my breastbone as well as breaking a rib, and my nose....don't ask, just don't ask!!!! It took months to heal up and my arms couldn't even lift a kettle for a while, it hurt so badly. I was trying to get fitter before I had my accident, and after my rib healed I still couldn't go to the gym and do stuff like rowing because of the breastbone thing. I wanted to get back into archery but I didn't have the strength to pull the bow and it bleddy hurt anyways! This really restricted what I could do. I like to get out and do stuff - I get miserable if I am sat doing nothing for long periods of time and for months I just hurt too damn much to do anything involving lifting with my really, really got me down. Even breathing hurt like Billy-o every day for at least six weeks. So yeah kiddies, take care and look after yourself, these bits may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things but man do they cause havoc with all those daily take for granted things when they don't work!!!!

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Love EVERY Body #2...from the neck up! Yikes!

This post is an assignment for part of the Love EVERY Body positivity workshop group I have joined.
Ummmm, this could be short! What do I like about me from the neck up???? Ummm, ummm, *tumbleweed* lol!!!!

(left pic) I took this picture first thing in the morning recently when I had just dragged myself out of bed. NO makeup or grooming...I've been quite stressed recently as had to find a house just before Christmas as my landlord wants this one heaps to get sorted and not sleeping well yada yada. I look old, washed out and just completely...blaaaaahhhh!!!!! I have NOTHING good to say about this at the minute, zilch. zero!!!! Once I have moved, and settled in and start sleeping again, I may take another, and have something positive to say!

(right pic) What I'd rather look like all the time is this, minus the duck pout lol! But this pic is very fake and I am not the kind of person who has the patience to sit and spend hours and hours on doing make up just so! When I do make an effort, I normally look more like this, (pic below) isn't it amazing what a bit of slap can do!!!! I like my eyes, and that's about it, even though they are getting a bit wrinkly now. I'm old, it's allowed ;-)!:

Oooookay! Apart from looks,  I guess I like that I can pick things up really easily with this old brain of mine! I may be starting to get a bit forgetful in my middle age, and I do the odd random dipshit stupid things from time to time, but the grey cells mostly still work fine. In the past I was guilty of hiding my cleverness and dumbing down, since I got isolated at school because of it - oh Rhonda got an A again, Rhonda got top of the class - even one teacher excluded me from doing the weekly spelling tests at primary school because I won too many times - she said it wasn't fair on others!!! 
 I learned that people didn't like clever folk too much at times, so started to hide it from others. The thing is I never really worked that hard and just kinda cruised through, and folk particularly don't like that when they work really hard at stuff and don't do so well. I have an MA Honours degree as well as a Postgraduate degree, but I don't tell many folk, until I really get to know them. It shouldn't matter. I don't care whether someone has left school with no qualifications or whatever, it is the person who counts - are they nice, are they an asshole? - but it does seem to matter to a lot of people and it shouldn't. But yeah, I have academic smarts, even if I don't have bloke and street smarts lol!!!  

Looking forward to seeing what others doing this challenge have to say!